How do get through the hurt?
Tonight has been a rollercoaster ride for me. My husband is an alcoholic and he is bipolar. Me? I suffer from PTSD from a past husband who was very abusive. Today started off very normal. A kiss goodbye and out the door he went on his way to work. His sister called to tell me that a friend of my husbands had passed away last night. My husband came home at lunch and I told him. I took off to Lowes to buy paint for our kitchen and when I came home his mood went from blah to rage. Utter confusion to say the least.He was ranting a raving about how he didn't have anything to wear to the funeral home tomorrow night so like a good wife I went out and got him a pair of pants and a belt. No big deal to me. When I got home I could tell he was drinking. I didn't say much to him even though I wanted to. I had stopped by the video store and rented some movies for the weekend for me and the kids. I layed on the couch and put in the first movie. He was wandering aimlessly around the house. I got the feeling that he was talking himself into an argument. The next thing I know he was screaming in my face rambling on about why I didn't have the kids in bed yet. Whatever he could yell about he was saying it. I found myself feeling like I was dreaming...literally. Like I was totally in the twilight zone. I started picturing my ex-husband doing some of the things he used to do to me. I felt the agony of trying to escape and couldn't. I felt like I was smothering. I was trying to fight my husband. He finished me off by destrying the house. My kitchen table is broken. I had milk all over the floor from where he dumped the table. Broken glass everywhere. Most of all my heart is broken right now. I can't stop crying and I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I'm going to be sick to my stomach. How do I get past the hurt so that I can move on? I can't stop trembling. I know that this should probably be on Alanon but I don't know how many people over there have flashbacks.
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