ClimbingUP

Does anyone else find themselves a little annoyed by the religious aspect of AA? I guess what really bothers me is all of the religious advice I keep getting about how to stay sober. I know it comes from a good place in the people who give it, but I absolutely cannot relate to it. Okay, something just dawned on me. All of the religious advice reminds me of the advice I was given from all of my ‘religious’ aunts and uncles while growing up. They all lived relatively f*ed up, unhappy lives, and it seemed like their ‘faith’ allowed them to ignore their own responsibility or culpability in creating a dysfunctional environment. Like they were just washing their hands of their own, inherent power over their lives and, in a sense, ‘blaming’ god for all of life’s ups and downs. From an early age, I’ve had very negative beliefs towards religion. So I guess when someone gives me religious advice, I automatically react negatively. I see belief in a religious higher power as more of a mental weakness rather than a strength. I know that this is incredibly judgmental and not coming from the best place in me, but that’s my gut feeling on it.

Subscribing to a higher power just doesn’t make sense to me. It’s akin to believing in magic or the tooth fairy. I’ve only been to a few AA meetings so far, but I found myself having to bite my tongue in response to much of the advice I was given. I was even met with incredulity when I said that I was an atheist and completely comfortable with that. Then I got into this explanation of string theory and said that if I were to believe in a connection between life forces on the planet, that would be it. I hope that this doesn’t prevent me from going to meetings, because I really do need the social aspect of it. I just wish I could find a more secular meeting in my area.