Thanks, DK... I feel pretty shell-shocked. I had really been taking everyday health for granted.
I need to hit the gratitude lists up more often.
Monday, there were a few let-downs. My fiance was gone. I overslept through a doc's appointment. I met with the big important dean and feel like it went well, but there won't be a final decision on when and if I come back until around Thanksgiving. (A bunch of faculty meet and decide.) I felt so flat and dead. I could think of things I needed to do around the house but couldn't think of how I would do them. I remembered sometimes when I was drinking I would have bursts of energy and cleaning or whatever would be easy. And then going to the liquor store, I tried turning away to drive towards my house instead, and a wave of panic hit me. It was like my head was screaming at me. So I turned back towards the store and felt calm again.
The wine store guy was talking to me using all this wine-tasting jargon and I was nodding like I appreciated these aspects of wine. I was just looking for a big bottle and didn't want to make that obvious. I was like, masquerading as a normal person. I also got a six-pack of beer. I drank that first and by the time I opened the wine bottle, although I drank half of it, I have no idea what it tasted like. And that "getting things done" garbage, omg, what was I thinking. My house is extra trashed. Now I have bottles to get rid of, and my SO is worried about me.
So stupid and crazy. I still feel sick. This needs to be the last time I drink.