Sprngbreez
I understand how you are feeling right now, I had some similar problems with my wife when I got sober.
a couple things that helped me, were to remember that often people say things they don't really mean when they are scared.
another thing, was my sponsor told me no major changes the first year, and that included divorce.
I had to take my relationship one day at a time just like my sobriety,
I would pray daily, that if we are meant to be together than so be it, and if were meant to part ways then so be it, I asked my HP for guidance, my wife didn't drink or use, but she was full of resentment towards me for all the things I had done, and she was also feeling like an AA widow, to make a long story short, she ended up getting help too, and were still together.
sometimes the best we can do is lead by example, my sobriety has to come first, and over time things have worked out.