Thank you so much for sharing HideorSeek. I really related to your post.
(A whole bunch as a matter of fact.) I joined SR in December 2006. I was able to stay sober twenty something days,then went back out there. I would continue to read SR, post on my sober days once in awhile, which always were never more then three or four just like you.
I guess I finally got that gift of desperation that you talk about. I am doing it all differently and I am so glad. For me it has been going to meetings every day right now, talking to the two temporary sponsors that I got at my first meeting and making a decision to not drink each day. It's also important to come to SR and reach out and post not just lurk and read. I have two weeks today. Got a long way to go, but when I read and relate to a post like yours I smile. It reminds me I'm not alone and I am not unique. Thanks.
mtnmagic