Originally Posted by
denny57 
Today, if someone told me I could have vanilla ice cream, but not chocolate, I'd tell them to take their CONTROLLING self somewhere else. (and I'd expect someone to say the same to me if I told them what they could and could not do)
It doesn't matter what is being said, it's that it's being said at all. I am not a child and my significant other will not speak to me as a parent.
notsofast - have you considered going back into therapy? There are all types of abuse, not just screaming and physical.
((( )))
Hi Denny:
I don't want to derail the thread, but how can you compare chocolate or vanilla ice cream to this situation? I find your response disingenuous. Let's say, for example, that a recovering alcoholic decided for himself that he didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who drank (the situation in question here is even less extreme than my example). What is wrong with that? If her going to bars with a divorced woman who hangs out in bars 3 nights a week is a deal breaker for him, then she has a choice. She can accept it or reject it. I am sure that she has her deal breakers, also. We all do.
Boundaries are negotiated, not imposed. If she feels like she is giving up something for nothing in return, then she can negotiate with him to give up something that bothers her about him. Isn't this what mature adults do? I think this guy is getting raked over the coals unfairly here, but I am not going to pursue this any further. You get the last word.
Peace.