I'm sorry I cannot relate to your dilemma, except for the part that I hide my addiction from my husband as well. I feel very stongly that you need support! Either family, friends or maybe yes, your husband. And it would probably be best to see your doctor ASAP. You're right, you can't keep going on like this, your body can't take much more. I am so sorry to hear what's happened to you. I will say a prayer for you and continue to pray that you will get through this, I know there is light at the end of this tunnel for you. As for NA, you REALLY should check it out. And yes, you can just sit there and listen and not participate at first. The people at these meetings will be very welcomming and repsect your wishes. I bet you will actually meet some wonderful people that you will learn to open up to.
I wish you all the best!
Amy