Good morning everyone. Today is my birthday! I've reached the ripe young age of 54 today.
I left my AH of 24 years in August and started a new life for me based on balance - physical, mental and spiritual. The last few months have brought so many positive changes within myself. For the first time in my life I feel grounded. Has it been easy - no way. I've had a few major meltdowns, obsessive thoughts about the AH and OW and fought all the feelings of anger, resentment and betrayal.
But, I have been "feeling" really feeling emotions for the first time in my life. Recognizing these feelings, understanding them, accepting them and letting them go - they are feelings, they are neither good or bad, they just are.
For the first time I am recognizing a higher power that lives within me and never leaves. I've started a journey that fills me each day with positive thoughts. My life is constantly being enriched with friends, some old and new ones that have into my life. I'm discovering life and have come to the conclusion that I like it.
I'm sure there will be hard days ahead of me, with the internal struggle of my codie behaviors - you can't just stop over 24 years of behavior overnight BUT I am finding the strength now to change and accept it. I am responsible for my thoughts and behavior. I try each day to give out positive thoughts and energy with the hope that this is what I will attract in my life. I've also learned to walk away from people and situations that will cause me harm.
My birthday gift to you is the hope that you hang in there, it does get better! When I read the postings from all the family members of A's and the hurt and despair in their words I also feel their hurt. I've been there and it does get better. Open yourself up to healing and self discovery. It's a painful yet so rewarding journey.
Have a wonderful day! K.
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