Al Anon has opened my eyes. I thank God every day that I found the courage to go to that first meeting. I found people there just like me! It was amazing. My heart goes out to you...my situation is very similiar. My husband would make me feel he was in control and give me hope. He was never mean to me or the kids. He would stop for a while, then go on a "binge". I went to a meeting out of desperation, and found a program I never knew existed. I wish I had gone years ago. Good luck