Hey EG18,
Some of what you're saying could have been written by my wife before I got sober in July. Beer was my drink. Six or seven and looking sober, np. Could have been nailed for DUI's, yes. And I was starting to get to be no fun to be around. She knew I drank, and she knew I drank too much, but she didn't know how much I drank.
I'm no expert on this, so I'd definitely go to the meeting and also listen to the friends/families here, but my take is this: Your husband is an alcoholic in denial. That's why he doesn't like you confronting him with it. He has a disease which is causing him not to be himself towards you.
If you think you want to ask any questions of someone that's been on the other side of what you're going through, I'll see if I can answer.