New here
I've been perusing this board for a while and thought I'd officially introduce myself. I'm married to an alcoholic, who has never received treatment and rarely openly admits he has a problem.
He drinks every single day. Usually just beer, and even after 6 or 7, is usually able to "look sober". So I never really know how much he's had. I know he has a problem, he knows he has a problem. But I'm pretty sure he's not changing, so now I'm battling whether or not this is something I can live with indefinitely. His occupation is also a heavily drinking one. He works late, then hangs out with people from work...drinking. Then drives home. I'm sure if he got pulled over, many times he would get a DUI, although he never has.
There was a time a few years ago, when his schedule was different, that he would start drinking around 3 in the afternoon. Both beer and hard liquor. So he'd often be drunk before I was off work. These days, that doesn't happen, so part of me thinks that since he's improved on that, he thinks he's doing well. Well, it's still a major problem to me.
He's never abusive, usually not mean. Though he'll start getting that way if I get mad about him drinking.
When we met, I was young and having a good time. Partying in college and such. He's 7 years my senior, and I thought he was just the most fun. Well now that I've grown up, it's not always fun anymore.
I'm thinking of going to my first al anon meeting this week. I'm really nervous about it though, because of my own anxieties over new and different situations (and going alone freaks me out). But I can't keep constantly feeling awful about my life and my marriage (though some days are great...funny how that works).