For what it's worth, I believe you're enjoying a "spiritual awakening" (or spiritual experience)...I've been fortunate to have felt what you are feeling a number of times over the years. We now understand that what Bill W. described in the AA Big Book is not the only way...it was just Bill's way.
I believe maybe it was a spiritual awakening.
I was hopitalized Feb. 1998 on suicide precautions and alcohol dependency, I stayed battleing the demon who wanted to end my life. The lord came to me in my lockdown room and awakened me in the wee morning hours and held me and comforted me. After 13 days I went home with my meds. and stayed sober for 7 calm years. I mean things were as hectic as they tend to be in my life - but I was calm. Church and teaching Sunday School every week... Life was good.
I have not had that calm since Naomi left (Please read my Naomi thread).
Only bits of calm here and there. I still pray daily although I haven't been back to church. I feel like a heathen saying this, but I am still angry with the lord.
Today is a fairly calm day, and I'll take that.