Bella,
I'm struggling with the same thing.. when do you draw the line between supporting and enabling and boy have I been a big enabler and bad habits are hard to break..
I'm so happy that you are wanting to attend some meetings.. YOU need to go to these meetings and work YOUR OWN program and let you bf find his own path in recovery.
Like Amy said, I would go with your gut.. mine is never wrong. I always know when my AH has relapsed.. don't know how I know but I just do. If your BF is not working a program or at least getting some kind of counseling, he will relaps if he has not already.. Heck, my AH was attending NA meetings and picking up keytags and all the while he was using... It's frustrating as heck but the further I get with my program the more I have learned to detatch and to work on my stuff.. Focus on what you can change and accept what you cannot change..
Your BF sounds a lot like my AH.. I think he wants to get clean but right now it's a lot easier for him to get high or to find an excuse to get high (like your bday party) then it is to work a program. A RA that is a friend of my AH's family told me that sometimes it takes a few tries for the addict to stay sober..Recovery is a lot more then just not using.. its a lifelong journey..
I'm glad to see that you are taking care of you.. I remember your first post and I have been wondering how you have been doing ever since..
Hugs
Jen