bella78

HI All. I'm new to this site and I'm here to try to support my live in boyfriend of 9 yrs whom I plan on marrying eventually. He's a recovering (so he tells me) oxycontin and pain killer addict who has been using for 3 years. He went through a week of an inpatient detox but has not been to any suppport groups or counseling since then. He claims that first he was using because he liked the mental feeling of being high but then it escalated to purely a physical addiction and was using because he was scared of withdrawl. He has been clean (so he says) for about a month.

I put those doubting comments in parentheses because I suspect he may be relapsing or on the verge of. He has certain ticks and a look in his eye when he uses and he has been extremely stressed out from a surprise 30th bday party he had planned for me that didn't work out as he wanted and he ended up losing a lot of money and being disappointed in friends from this party. He has gone to see his Dr. to renew his suboxone script, of which he was no longer taking because he said he didn't need it anymore. BUT I counted the pill s in the bottle and he has not taken any yet.

My reason for posting here is because I have seen that look in his eye and he keeps claiming that my party has stressed him out so much that he has felt like using and that's why he went back to the Dr. He started smoking more pot than usual and I think it's to compensate for the urges to the oxy's again. He gets very angry at me when I try to confront him and makes me feel like it's almost my fault for him being stressed because of my party.

I realize that throughout his drug use I have been a very strong enabler...
I've believed his lies although I knew they were all a bunch of huge Bull and I gave him money thinking it was for other things... He has been out of work since February because he use ended up taking over.

He was doing really well when he first left detox and talking about how when he reaches 6 months clean he wants to go back and be a speaker to those who are in detox and trying to recover. He doesn't speak like that anymore and I feel like the stress from my party has knoocked him down to where he was - or close to it....

I have been with him for almost 9 years... I'm 30 yrs old and he is 32 and I don't want to leave him because I know the person he is when he is sober and I know he will go back to that person... I just need to know what I can do to support and NOT ENABLE him... Now I am no angel myself and have had my fair share of partying so I know when someone is not sober...

Sorry about the long post... I needed to get it all out. If any one has any advice other than leaving him, I would appreciate it.