I'm going through alot of what you are. I miss my AXSO very much. I miss our relationship and the good times we had before he picked up after 17 years sober. I don't miss the yelling, falling down, police visits, and just plain drama of the last 2 years. I don't have any contact with him whatsoever at this point. That works for me. I can't do a little because then I get sucked in again and the manipulation starts and I'm back in a very unhealthy place for me and my young adult children. I am very lonely. I am trying to reconnect with friends, walk every day and get by however I can. It's not easy but I'd rather be alone than deal with the uncertainty and drama of the alcoholic.
Doreen