Hey, klutz, and I doubt you are that at all, I too had a really amazingly bad childhood and for a long time blamed myself for everything. I also got involved with addicts, because it was programmed into me that that was NORMAL. it was what I grew up with -- the doubt, the chaos, the constant jangled emotions -- and so being with someone who didn't have any problems didn't feel normal or interesting to me.
Sad, huh?
Keep participating in friends & family - they are such a good group of people, and can give you lots of ideas. And here, well, there are lots of people who were raised in the same kind of lousy atmosphere and so you'lll realize you're not alone. We're all in this together, getting better.