Thanks to both of you, freedom and anvil for your enlightening responses.
My abf admitted he left his wife and kids for another woman and has regretted it ever since. He did support them financially, and saw them frequently over the years, and they still loved him.
A few years ago his 21 year old son died in a car crash, and this still haunts abf today because son was replica of him and he was drinking, angry, drove and was killed.
I have thought that disaster would have been enough to cause such anger and disgust at alcohol that he would have been motivated to quit. Nope.
I think there is a big difference between having a desire to drink and the craving and compulsion of alcoholism. My heart goes out to both alcoholics and those who are in relationships with them, because both sides suffer hell.
A priest once told me he believed that addicts and their families will go to Heaven, because they have been in Hell already.