hard time with page in SESH
I read a page in the blue naranon book called SESH today, and im having a hard time with it....
It was talking about a wife and her AH and how one day she was upset because he seemd high and wasnt there for her...and she held herself back from making a comment to him about it...
Then a few days later, her ah hugged her and was loving, kind, understanding, and she was in heaven.
well the man is in active addiction..he is still not actually there for her, he does not have a clear mind, and his thinking is off--how can he be there for her?? and is that fair to her, to have a husband who is there for her somedays because he is not high, and not there others?? Our husbands should be available to us, --in my belief there is NO MARRIAGE when there is drug use--there just isnt.
I guess its hard for me to seperate the disease from the person. and i like how i can talk the talk, but cannot walk the walk...
but i am finally realizing that the insanity of addiction, and all of its glory, is catching up with me, and if i stay in it much longer, its affect on me may be ever-lasting. The day in and day out things that my addict says thatjust dotn make any sense, will drive me nuts if i listen to it...i really feel that i should just not talk to him at all...it may just save my sanity!!!
to her, that somedays he will be there and somedays he wont.