Have you considered posting this on the A.A. board? I'm a codie, which means I have obsessive/addictive problems, but as far as a substance addiction goes, I do not have one.
I don't think it's something we can understand. I've discussed this with A's in recovery. I've attended A.A. meetings. I think I have a handle on it to some degree, but as far as it sinking in to the point that I truly comprehend it ... well, no, I don't.
My AH "loves" his dog. The dog follows him everywhere. Yet AH largely neglects the dog. He says he'll give the dog a bath. He doesn't. He says he'll get the dog his heartworm pills. He doesn't. The dog needs to have his teeth scaled. AH plans to do it, but never actually gets around to it. Yet he "loves" his dog.
Do I understand it? Nope. And I understand your outrage. How can a man just neglect his own children? The only answer I have to give you is that booze is king. It is number one. It comes before anything else. A's pander to their own needs, their addiction, their own sense of victimhood. To heck with the rest of the world. At least that's how I see it. I don't get it, but I think I have a little bit of insight into it.
And I no longer take anything AH does as personal. He's done with me. I'm done with him. He left me alone in the hospital ER while I was waiting to have my emergency gall bladder surgery. He had other priorities; namely, sitting home drinking. Sure, it stunk, big-time. But I don't take it personally. I don't think it's worth my time or energy to get upset over what a drunk chooses to do. I spent too many years being outraged by outrageous behavior.
I'm glad your children have a parent who loves them and cares for them. You AH doesn't sound as if he is ready or able to do that at this time. Sad, but true ....