How can someone who is so filled with self-loathing, self-hatred, remorse, guilt, anger, resentments, etc etc etc be truly capable of loving someone else?
I surely didn't start using/drinking because I was full of confidence and self-love.
There was a deep searing pain, and a feeling of 'separation' from this entire world that I didn't understand. What I did understand is that the drugs/alcohol took that pain and feeling of 'aloneness' away.
It wasn't until I got clean/sober that I truly begin to understand what love was, and that was after I learned to love myself.
Be glad you can't wrap your head around how he thinks. You'd need to be an alcoholic and/or addict to do that.