Lilyflower

I would like to start a thread about how we have all transformed an event in our life. More specifically a time when despite the badness, hurt and upset, you managed to find the positivity and take this forward with you on your journey.

I think it is an important part of recovery, that helps keep us healthy, positive and stops us from falling into melencholy.

I will begin...


Last night I had a dreadful night of sleep. I had repetitive nightmares about my exabf. I dreamt that my exabf had managed to get back into my home, I had woken up to a strange mans voice downstairs in my house.

In my dream I tiptoed to the stairs heart pounding to investigate the intruder. To my horror, the exabf came out of my kitchen heading toward the living room, he saw me and then beckoned another man to follow him, with his casual 'so and so is here' attitude that I would so often find when I came home in the past.

I remember feeling panic striken that he was back, why is he here, acting just as before, how will I get him out? I started screaming 'No no no!!' But I wasn't just screaming in my dream, I was screaming in my bed, I woke myself up heart racing, shouting out, crying.

I fell back asleep and dreamt again, this time I was locked out of my home. I was puzzled in the dream as to why this had happened, as I tried to gain entry, the exabf opened the door and called me inside, I asked him why he was there and we got into a row. I cannot recall what I said, but the next minute in my dream, his expression had changed into that angry man I knew, and he began to come for me, he ran at me and again the panic built up inside of me and I coward into a bundle waiting for his onslaught. Again I woke up screaming and crying.

So today, I woke up feeling absolutely exhausted and numb. I knew that I had dreamt these things because my ex has never returned my keys and I have not had my locks replaced. I also recently told him to come collect his things during my week off work. If he didn't arrange with me to collect them at this time, I would dispose of them myself. he was p*ssed. I guess I fear that he will come back and let himself in when I am not there, I don't feel safe in my home.

So I made the decision this morning that I would have my locks changed. I also realised and felt relieved that those dreams were not my reality anymore, and how wonderful life truly is for me right now because he is gone and I am done with him.

I went to work feeling light as a feather, and I have had a wonderful day, so thank you subconsciousness for making me dream!!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx