mY father died from Alcohol
Hi I am currently a memeber of friends and family of substance abusers. My Fiance is a coke addict thought its not a daily occurance its been enough over the past 6 years that Ive realized he has an addiction. My life currently is in shambles and I have no clue what to do. I guess I am visiting my past on these boards.
My father was an alcoholic. He drank beer almost 24/7. When he would get up at 5am for work what would he do? Crack open a beer and that continued all day till he went to bed. I had to deal with him vomitting from drinking while walking home from street fairs. The embarresment at my dance recital b/c my dad couldnt go 2 hours w/o a drink he'd have a cooler in the car to escape to. I would get hit. Screamed at in front of friends and literally getting in bewteen my screaming parents.. Constant visits from CPS..and even got hit in the head with a sledge hammer by him and him accusing me of making it up.....very lovely childhood. Then when I was 12 he went into the hospital I never had a 12th bday party not that I cared. He came home and had chrrosis of the liver...he had to stop drinking and I was so filled with hope that life would be different...yea def different. I remember waking up the morning of my 6th grade dance to my dad BELLOWING for my mom. I had to wake her up (she slept on the couch) and I ran back to my room only coming out in enough time to see them wheeling my dad out on a stretcher in a coma. I peeked into his bedroom there was Blood everywhere.....Thats the last time I saw him. Days later the night of my elementry graduation he died. That was 16 years ago and now typing my story has me in tears. I loved my father and understood his addiction what I dont understand is why in the HELL would I get myself in the same situation only with a different drug addiction? Now Im the mom to a 10 month old and have vowed not let him grow up like I did. Only wished it didnt hurt so much....I feel the walls going uup and my time with the man i love trhe father of my child is coming to an end. I am in so much pain and feel so alone...and I feel like b/c of my experiance in childhood has made me stuck in this situation that I am currently in. IW ish I could say life was much better after he died but it was worse. I wish he could have beaten his addiction than maybe my life would have been different