Sad today
Today just isn’t a good day, I honestly don’t know why though. Everything has been cool here since my brother came out of hospital, I set new boundaries and I stuck to them.
My mum was buying him groceries and leaving them here for him to collect, he ‘forgot’ and I was on pins wondering if he was going to turn up drunk. I told her it wasn’t my business what she bought for him but explained why I wouldn’t have it here again.
Anyway, apart from that everything has been great, kids are fine, work is good, we’re going on holiday in a fortnight but I feel so sad. I don’t think I’m depressed, I’ve been there before and it doesn’t feel like that, I just feel sad.
Sad that life can turn out so different for my brother and other A’s, I’m sad that he was one of the ones who ‘had it all’ and appeared to either lose it or throw it all away.
Sad that he’s so gifted and made a life from his gift, but doesn’t have the confidence anymore to do the simples jobs (he started his business repairing stained glass windows in churches and making his own, even designing them)
I’m sad that the rest of my family suffer because we love him, sad that it affects other relationships in the family.
Just sad in general today.
I used to think he really had it all, happily married, nice big house, blue eyed boy of the family. I wouldn’t change places with him now though, not for anything, I know I’m sad today, but I’ve had nowhere near the torment and losses he’s had.
I wonder if the ‘just for today’ line will work? Just for today I will be sad, tomorrow is another day and it’ll be a happier one.