Welcome! I know what you mean about not realizing you had a problem until it was too late and you were already hooked. It always happens like that. You aren't a loser, most people have addictions and obsessive/compulsive patterns to some degree. Tons of people here have kicked opiates, I'm just now starting to myself. We can do it together, a bunch of us are about to detox here. Keep posting and let us know how you are feeling. You really can do it if you are sick of it enough, and it sounds like you are.