Hi all,
So, I wrote an email to my mom telling her that I never come around, or talk to her very much, because I've realized that through much of my life, her drinking has had a very negative impact on me, and since she continues drinking to this day, I don't feel comfortable around her.
After I wrote this letter, it occurred to me that I should post on here that I sent it. I feel a little funny posting the actual text of the email right here, so I won't for the moment. If I get some requests, though, I will -- so let me know.
What's great is that, after I sent this email, it was the end of a long road of discovery. It's like finally confirming now that, yes, my mom (really, both parents) drank, and that drinking is the cause of several issues I'm working on to this day.
My mom's response didn't address the drinking. Instead, she became very defensive, and started talking about her divorce (that happened like 8 years ago), and how hard it has been for her and how big a victim she is, etc. The themes were classics from her: Guilt and martyrdom. Since she wrote her response at 11:30, I knew that she'd had a bunch of drinks by that point.
Her email became condescending, demeaning, and abusive. Reading it, I was surprised to notice how similar it was to emails written by a "friend" I no longer talk to, and I realized so clearly that these codependency issues directly affected who I became friends with, and further affirmed my decision not to talk to this person any more.
I wrote back to my mom with the strength and resolve of a person who knows exactly why he's saying what he's saying, and why he feels the way he feels. I ended up telling her that she should let me know when she wants to actually talk about her drinking, and that until then, she wouldn't see me, my girlfriend, or any kids we may have. I also added that I'm tired of being the "punching bag for her martyr ********."
I hope this is inspirational or helpful in some way?? It just seemed like something I should share.