This thread just reduced me to tears. I mean absolute crying without control.
I want to explain why. I have two sons. One the oldest is addicted to oxycontin. After his last release from jail when he broke up with his gf (where I actually encouraged encouraged her to go) he tried to hang himself.
Instead of taking care of it myself, I called mental health, knowing it would eventually return him to jail and then maybe prision. That is exactly what happened. However, because he refused a visit from me before he was sent from jail to prison, I have no idea where he is serving out is sentence. That hurts.
The younger son is the opposite. He has been strong and focused. He is in his second year of college, but is actually considered a junior because of all the work with AP and community classes while he was in high school. I love
having him around and am proud. Yet everytime he comes home for a break then goes back I absolutely fall apart. All I have known is to be a mom for a total of 30 years now. I know I need to get a new identity, I don't know how
Everything came to a head last week. After the younger son left and I was all alone again, I simply called my job and said "I quit". Thankfully they called back a couple of days later and said they didn't really want me to quit at all.
I have vacation time so they asked me to take it and then come back to work on Friday. I need this job. I'm a single mom and income is tight with the youngest in college. I'm trying to get myself together to go back Friday.
This week has been so hard because it's been so lonely and so quiet,. The comments of a normal family are I think what has triggered me tonight. There is no such thing in my life. Even though I know it in my head, sometimes it hurts my heart. I'm trying to be grateful that my job wants me back. In these financial times I'm very lucky for that fact.
The thing is I know I have to change things. I have to let go of both of my son's, Both the sick one and the one that is doing so well. I need to get a new life. I'm not sure how to start, but I need to start now, Thanks for all your posts. When I read about your kids, I relate so well. Somehow I have not been able to put all that relating into action.
Anybody out there ready to give me a huge kick in the arse?