Hey Suzette,
I was reading your post and this quote came to mind 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent' (Eleanor Roosevelt) I've always loved it but it's only become real to me in the past few years.I was a real doormat in my 20's.I had to learn to be more assertive and claim some self respect.
I'm not saying it's the same for you here.I do think, as someone else just suggested, perhaps the sober you is rattling your husband's cage because you won't roll over like you used to(and you shouldn't anyway)
We develop patterns in our relationships-and some of them can be very unhealthy.It sounds to me like your husband can be derogatory about you in front of your kids, and that's not ok.Maybe when you were drinking you didn't care as much or notice, but the fact is your husband thinks it's ok-and you're realizing it's not.It isn't.They will take their cues from him and it leaves you in a very vunerable, lonely place.
It's hard to change these patterns when it's taken months or years for them to be created.But you can change you and how you respond to them.
That said-you need support.I know for me I needed counselling-to learn new ways of relating that weren't too threatening to my husband-but also I needed to learn to be more assertive/honest(if you can believe that-look at me these days-LOL) but it was more about having genuine self respect and not allowing others to treat me in a way that was disrespectful too.
Our inappropriate tolerance of others crappy behaviour can often be rooted in the past and we need to address it and why we've allowed it-in order to change.
I just think with all you're dealing with right now you really need some help and counselling might be a really good place to start.Something for you alone that helps you deal with what's going on around you.
You deserve that,
Julesxox