I stumbled on this thread - found it very interesting, not real sure why (maybe all the excitement and such).
I don't know much about setting boundaries, my life is pretty much an open book and I like who I am...no need to defend it. I have never been married and raised a family, so I have no 'real' appreciation for the precise situation, but I do know a little about recovery from alcoholism and how my whole life I gave people my self-esteem, pride, ambition etc. I blamed everyone for anything that was wrong, took credit where things were right...maybe some can relate. This seems to be common among alcoholics.
I noticed this thread was started in August - and it said you were 6 months sober at the time, I assume you are around 7-8 months sober now.
Well -- before I go into it. Are you a member of AA? Any input or experience I have to share is filtered through my experience with the 12 steps.
I am free today of the sort of thing you describe above, only because of some very specific steps.