K I went through the same feelings, even when it is all said and done, I still do honey. It isn't about love, it is about saving your self and your child.
I completely agree with Prodigal, before I left I had at least a weeks worth of the bare necessities in the car ready to go. Not easy to do since I drive a Camaro but it gave me peace of mind knowing that if I had to me and the baby girl could be out the door in a split second and we had enough to get us through work and school for a week. My friend even asked if I was living in my car when I gave her a ride home from work lol.
I am not going to tell you not to feel bad about it, it is not like you flip a switch and you are suddenly all better, it doesn't work that way. I felt and still feel sorry for R but in the grand scheme of things none of my feelings were enough to make him feel cared for. It takes time but you are learning the only one you can take care of is you and lil kid. In time you will learn that you and lil kid are the only ones you should be taking care of. Love and hugs K, get to NY safe. I will be praying for you.