17 days sober
Hello!
Well sat. night I went out with the hubby to a festival and bonfire. I did not drink but I tell you what, it was so hard. As the night goes on at the festival people are just buying drinks and many times a beer ended up in my hands and I passed it on...the pain in giving the beer away..it used to be a joke of "alcohol abuse" if u spilled ur beer or did not finish it...sigh..some joke. But I made it through and watched and listened to the stories and people repeating themselves over and over, the drunk young girls wanting to show off their boobs to whatever guy would look, the drunk friend we took with us that wanted to fight everyone. The other drunk friend that went on a beer run and no one knew she was drunk till she got lost on a road she travels on EVERYDAY. The DRAMA! My husband and 2 other people went in on a case and a half..mind u im sipping my diet pepsi feeling antsy and like I just drank a ton of caffeine..couldnt sit still for nothing...and someone stole all the beer out of the cooler that was in the back of the truck! omg! drunks! lol There were a handful of people that didnt drink...not all recovering alcoholics, they just dont drink. I did find out that a guy that used to live with us, we had to kick out because his drinking turned to drugs and I didnt want my son to come across his drugs, is trying to be sober. He was driving the hay wagon at the bonfire..taking all the drunks to the bar...sigh..that was me last year...now this year it was someone else that lost their purse, jewelry(i lost my wedding ring one year on the hay ride..did find it tho), camera, of course many times i misplaced my drink and had to get a new one. This time I knew where all my stuff was. I came home with no pizza sauce dripping down my shirt as that late night little ceasers pizza gets passed around. Of course I got asked a million times..why wasnt I drinking..i started saying I quit but I got stupid comments for that...the oh yeah, right, how long will that last, u will be drinking before the nights over. So it was easier to say i wasnt drinking because of the medication I was on...lol...the comments stopped after that, instead I got oh that sucks. Amazing. Its like ur a freak if u quit drinking. I must have built one heck of a reputation with my drinking. Next morning I felt great..hubby was hungover. It made all the antsy feelings and stupid comments worth it. As i went and read peoples myspace comments..they were all hungover...i had to laugh.
I have figured out tho, I dont think Im that ready yet to go out on a regular basis and be around the drinking. I did get bored, a lot. And everytime a beer was in my hands it took everything I had to not take a sip..one taste and I would have been done for...but its only been 17 days now... On the plus side, without me drinking we spent less money. I am taking today for just me. I am doing nothing that involves cleaning my house or anything like that. No school work, nada. Tomorrow I am meeting a friend to get started on working out. I for surely need that as it seems I have replaced alcohol with anything that is high in carbs..bread, pasta, ice cream, little debbies swiss cake rolls, candy...my will power is out the window when it comes to control with sweets...i think well im not drinking..no, im becoming diabetic instead...lol...time to nip that in the ass.
I cant say these 17 days have been easy. It is ok when Im busy. Hunting season was the time I would get drunk, by myself. So this hunting season, Im not and Im in bed by 9pm. At least I try. If I cant I get on this site and read. It seems like I picked a bad time with the stress of school...but then again I guess anytime would be a bad time. I have felt up and down physically and mentally. A few days ago when my husband got home we went to a tractor supply to get dog food. Driving back I was looking at the farms and my husband says what r u looking at? I said im looking for our dog and then I bursted into tears...crying moments seem to be more. Before it was have a beer and wash ur sorrows away. Physically I have been waking up with headaches. Had my first migraine last wed. That was horrible. I was going to go to the hospital cuz there it was 10pm and I was in so much pain, light hurt my eyes, my son got worried and said he worries that Im not going to be around much longer. The pain finally went away. I dont have health insurance so running to the dr for everything I cant do. My last dr bill was $400 and Im still paying on that. So my mom is getting me a credit card to her account and Im supposed to be going to the drs when I get it. So hopefully in the next week or two. One day at a time.
Thanks for reading this long post. I felt the need to share. I hope everyone has a great week!