Ok, I have read all the above posts regarding 'co-dependency' and I need help to see where it is I fall. Some part of me thinks I do have co-dependency but I am not sure. I need help in understanding this and my feelings. My ex is a coke\alcoholic.
I know I took my ex back a few months ago because he succeeded in manipulating me again and I believed he was sincere about his 'sobriety' I mean just the way he was going to meetings and the way he talked it sounded genuine and he " really wanted to be back with me"....."missed you so much"... blah blah blah. He's such a convincer. Since I really really loved this guy and believed it would work this time I let him come back. ( Probably co-dependent behavior on my part?) I know I should have not let this happen and let him have more time with sobriety before continuing a relationship with him. I think I was eager to experience this 'new' him and watching him 'grow' with his sobriety and also because I loved him so much and missed him.
I told him he could come back "IF he stayed clean" I would be willing to work on it.
Well, that didn't last long and he relapsed within weeks. He tried to hide it but I saw the evidence. I immediately told him I was through with the relationship and he needed to find somewhere else to live ( since I owned my home). He accused me of being a mean and evil person and I had 'problems' and I was being abusive! ( Ha! look at who's being abusive! ) I think I have improved my behavior towards him and us. I have learned to reconize his bad manipulative behaviors and now I think more about my life and what I want more than him. I am slowly letting go even though it has been really tough. I have to say it has been alot more peaceful here lately. No more worrying, no more manipulation, no more lies, no more detective work. Its Done! I think he has finally had it with me because I am not a good enabler anymore. We have not had any contact since he left.
I have learned alot by reading on here and other boards and I realize that I was in a abusive relationship and I felt I was fair and gave him the chance to prove himself and stood my ground about our agreement. Even though I still miss him but I have to keep remembering all those bad times to keep me away from him. I will keep falling but I will keep getting back up. I will be on here more times to ask and learn and share my experiences because this is what I do to make it through some of my days. I can't believe I got hooked into such a sick relationship. Unfortunetly I guess I was one of those in denial thinking he loved me enough to change. I know better now.
Am I a bad codie? any thoughts?