You know that comedy thing a few years ago of "Here's your sign?" (I think what's-his-name did it...the 'redneck' guy?) Well, I've been thinking about mental illness being similar, except instead of hearing 'here's your sign' ...the doc says 'here's your head' or 'here's your diagnosis' when it comes to being bipolar II.
i'm not sure i'm even making sense to myself here, but....i guess it's like this: If a person's not born with intelligence then they could be the butt of the joke 'Here's your sign.' And in a similar fashion....just like a low intelligence level...a person can try their heart out to become 'a smart person' and although they will definetly learn some things....they'll never be able to change WHO they were born and they'll never be able to become a rocket scientist. Right?
Well, I thought that if i learned about mental illness, codependency, relationships, addiction (and how it all works together)...that I could live a some-what normal life. That I could 'overcome' my bipolar II and be prepared for it when tough episodes did hit. BUT, what I've learned is that no matter how much i educate myself, or how many different meds or therapies i tri....i will ALWAYS still be bipolar. AND that when my illness flares up....that's all there is to it. It's going to make my life a nightmare until it retreats back into it's hiding stop in my head...and there's nothing i can do to stop the nightmare from taking over my life each time.
My illness controls me; i don't control my illness. All i can do is try to possibly minimize the affects of it on my life. And my BP will always hold my life in the palm of it's hand....with me the puppet for the most part.
My only hope is that some scientist can discover exactly WHY shock therapy works so well....and THEN create a way to get the same affects without the actual procedure and memory losses....and in a way that the beneficial affects can be maintained (instead of fleeting as they currently are for BP II's)
There is obviously a giant tie to epilepsy/Parkinson's, bipolar II and even the memory stealing illnesses (which i can't think of the names right now). This is obvious to me b/c it is a seizer that causes the release of the proper chemicals to 'correct' a major depressive episode, temporarily. And the deep-brain stimulation procedure often done for those with (Parkinson's?? - can't think of the correct illness) is the EXACT SAME deep-brain stimulation procedure that is being tried for some major depressives. And there are those memory stealing illnesses...which i've learned that in 50 percent of the cases...the patient is actually dealing with something quite curable with just a few shock treatments (but who are usually mis-diagnosed and therefore lose their memory for the rest of their lives since they never get shock treatments for the very curable illness).
There is a connection...i mean, even most mood stabalizer's were first developed as anti-seisure medications. So what's the connection? What makes a person become ill with epilepsy rather than a mood disorder, or vice-versa? Why is a seizure, the only thing that can currently 'fix' a major depression (albeit, temporarily?)
--- this is just a copy/paste of a post i wrote to Sunflower and wanted to include it here.
Effexor and Lamictal seem to be the best combo for me. Once my insurance gets straightened back out...I'll be back to:
-- Lamictal 200 mg
-- Effexor 300 mg
-- Welbutrin 150 mg or 300 mg (depending)
-- Provigil 200 (as needed, which is most days, to help keep my fatigue/low energy at bay)
-- a 'one a day women's' multi-vitamin
-- and Deplin (a prescription that is suppose to act like 'food' for the anti-depressants to make them work better....i'm not sold on it, i just take it b/c it hasn't had any negative affects and my pdoc wants me on it so...i am)
Unfortunately, I've come to believe that Bipolar II is the hardest mental illness to treat. Bipolar I, is pretty easy to treat with mood stabalizers....but that's IF the person will take their meds and most don't want to or simply refuse. Same with schizophrenia...hard to keep them on their meds.
Us...well, we take our meds and constantly try different meds one after the other in search of something that will work. I don't believe there are currently any meds that truely work for bipolar II. By nature, we swing back up from our depressions eventually....so some docs with mistakenly think they found 'the magic combo' for the individual. But that's nonsense in my book.
For me....meds/therapy/everything else is only an attempt to TRY and minimize the affects of this illness on our lives, but the ONLY thing that has ever truely RELIEVED my illness completely was ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) -- but only relieves the illness temporarily and after my 10th shock treatment i started having memory issues. I'm still thankful for the 23 total I rec'd, i just wished the wonderful affects the shock treatments lasted longer.
So....i'm to the point where somehow...i'm trying to make myself come to terms with how miserable much of the rest of my life will be.
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sorry i couldn't be more optimistic or anything for you in this post, but this is how things are from my self-education and life experiences to this point.
welcome and please feel free to share any and all stories and/or struggles that are on your mind. This is an awsome site of support.
hugs,
Jenna
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