Thanks Diane, and for all of the replies. Yes, I agree if she were able to smoke pot with me things would probably be fine. Just not something I am comfortable with. Though I wonder sometimes if it is really any different than having a beer after work? Yeah, maybe it is more than weed. The thought has crossed my mind many times. I think the reason it ends up being for the entire night or more is more related to her co-dependant relationship with her family (who she smokes and stays with). She essentially has no friends really except them. Then she is "scared" to see me (she is "scared of just about everything") so just avoids it because she feels like I will be upset at her decisions.
It's insane really. FInally I am starting to get enough distance to see it a little more clearly. I have posted a new dating profile on-line. Also I have not been reaching out her. She says she wants to quit and is working on way to do it in a relationship. When she has that plan in action then I'll think about it. Until I guess I am a free agent...