Yeah... I've started to become more selfish also. Also, when I do things, if I do something nice or something that requires me to go out of my way, I think of it as a give and take situation. I think healthy relationships require give and take, with the giving and taking going both ways.
In the relationship I'm in, I do all of the giving. That does rub me the wrong way, and causes resentment. If I quit doing those things, then I get hammered by anger, which causes more resentment.
I'm in a bit of a mental maze here, in thinking about this. I'm not sure if it's codependency, or if its emotional terrorism. The issue is that its been subtle at first, and then gets ratcheted up. I think ToughChoices had it right that some elements of co-dependency cause you to tolerate emotional blackmail. In my case, its a learned response from my AW. She plays the push me pull you game to perfection. Emotional Blackmail, with a reward and punishment system. The important thing for me is to be aware of what's going on, and to be able to feel my emotions without losing control to them. That's how it works. She plays the situation to give me an emotional whack, I react emotionally, she escalates, then dangles a reward. Then, afterwards, she's nice for a while (for the reward). The effective result is that she's played me like a fish on a line, got what she wanted, and maintained control.
Another AHA moment.
Redd