Redd
The behavior of your AW is an acoholic manipulation. My addicts (XAH and RAS) used it to get what they wanted.
My co-dependency caused me to put up with it without setting boundaries. I allowed them to manipulate. I used my co-dependency, to control them in hopes that they would change when it was me that needed to change my behavior so I didn't allow their manipulation to control me.
As far as chores around the house, IMHO the difference between healthy and "sick" relationships is that in a healthy one both parties work together to get the chores done and in a "sick" one only the codie feels the need to do them because the addict doesn't care. IMHO, it is our way of saying " See me, Look what I am doing for you".
Being out of both of my marriages, it has shown me that I don't have to have an immaculately clean house, I don't need to vacuum everyday, I don't need to things done perfectly for ME to be happy. I just need to live one day at a time and work on me. No one else, just me.
I am finding what I need to survive and be healthy, what I need to live according to my HP's plan. I can let go of the manipulation and see it for what it was, Quacking.
In a healthy relationship , IMHO, there shouldn't be quilt trips, abuse (verbal or physical), or resentment.
:ghug
Barb