Hi, Redd, I believe in a healthy relationship, where both people are caring and honest, there should be no need for either one to have to control the other.
In the 2 marriages I have been in, the first one I felt I had to control everything because my X would have drank and did drink all our income away and there was/would have been nothing left for me to take care of our sons. In the second, my X was a dry drunk with stronger control issues than I had, and that caused even more upheaval.
In the marriages that I have seen that work, the ones that have been married for 30, 40 or 50 years, they seem to have mutual respect for each other and seem to work together to live a happy, healthy life. That doesn't mean that a one time or another one had to take control of certain situations, but that they were operating on the same emotional level and wanted the same things out of life, and worked as team to reach the goals. They all have had a great communication system going.
In my oppinion, a relationship that has a co-dependent in it means that there has to be a dependent. So one is taking all the control and the other is letting them. There is no teamwork involved. Only resentment on both sides for the other person. The codie in us can't understand why the other person doesn't appreciate all we do for them and the dependent resents having no control.
I have been on both sides of this issue, and neither one made me feel good about myself. That is why I have been single, also, for a few years, because I have to work out my own issues before I get into another relationship. I refuse to settle for anything less than an equal partnership if I ever take the plunge again,can't see me ever taking the plunge again, but I don't know what God has in store for me so I am leaving my options open.
So, I guess to answer your question, IMHO if there is co-dependency in a relationship, I don't believe it is a healthy place to be.
Barb