I look at it this way. We all have certain personality traits. They are neither good nor bad, they just are. How they manifest in terms of behavior is how we end up with healthy or unhealthy relationships.
For example, one of my traits is determination/persistence. This can be a really good thing at work, especially if I am solving a problem or working on a project. The same trait resulted in controlling behavior in my marriage. I just knew if I kept coming at it from different angles, I could get him to stop drinking. Another example that comes to mind is perfectionism. It can work for me in terms of learning and studying, but can also work against me if I begin to judge myself harshly and hold myself to impossible standards.
Just because some of my traits have manifested in codependent behaviors, doesn't mean I have to obliterate those traits. I just have to learn how to use them in healthy ways.
L