I hated pay day too, I would try to get to the bank asap and withdraw the maximum amount allowed for the day so that he couldn't waste the money on booze and leave us short to pay the bills again. I would get very stressed about him going to the cash machine at the turn of midnight to take out money that it would keep me awake and led me to searching his pockets when he had passed out for his debit card.
I had such terrible nerves too. I remember being hyper sensitive to noise, raised voices, people knocking at my door. I was terrified toward the end of conflict and the constant 'living on the egde' and the unpredictablitiy of a volitile aggressive human had turned me into a bag of nerves, I would break down at the drop of a hat. I believe now looking back that if I hadn't found SR and learnt how to detach (which for me could only be accomplished successfully by ending the relationship) I would have had a nervous breakdown.
Life is so much better. It was his birthday this week, and I didn't even feel compelled to call him. I just want completely out of his drama now, it is not mine anymore.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx