Some days it's hard for me to remember what that was like. I tend to idealize the marriage, looking back to the early days and the companionship. But you all are right, at the end it was gut wrenching to be driving home from drawing class at night wondering what I was going to find when I got home. My stomach would start to clench up a few blocks from the house. That doesn't happen anymore. I never knew what to do when he would be up all night throwing up and with the dry heaves - do I leave for a hotel room? It got so I just couldn't listen to it anymore. So I did leave my own house and go to a hotel more than once. What an insane life!! Then after the umpteenth time driving around drunk he hit a family in a mini van, and now he's facing two years house arrest.
Thank goodness it's not my house. I have my own house now and although there isn't really anyone to talk to except the dog (who is a wonderful listener!), at least I don't get freaked out coming through my own door. I can't say it's great just yet, but I believe you all when you say it gets better. I just have a lot to work through yet.