veryrestless722

Ive been surfing around on here for about a month and have finally decided to post my story on here, Ill try to make it as short as possible but sometimes i get to rambling so forgive me ahead of time and my story is long since

first time i met my husband was in '01, he lived next door to my sister, the night before we had called the cops on his friend who lived in the apartment above my sis for being way too loud, well the next day my husband comes over raising hell about who called the cops on his friend, i was trying to get out the door to whip his a** but my friend wouldnt let me out of the door, that was our first meeting, could have been a sign but I ignored it lol, its funny now but not all the hell ive been through with him

well either way he started hanging around constantly, always popping up when i went to my sisters, which was just about everyday, we started talking , so i eventually started popping up over there all the time myself, for obvious reasons , i was 17 and fell completely head over heels, so when one night he was high on X i overlooked it, just a guy having fun, even though drugs are not something i consider fun and ive never tried any drug in my life, but then he would be drunk alot also, but i was young and thought it would all change, if i knew then what i knew now i would take off running and never stop, and i should have known better because my grandfather was an alcoholic and my husband could be his twin in how he acts , i wound up in the same cycle as my grandmother without realizing it

a few months after we started dating i had to move to florida because my grandfather (the alcoholic) had a stroke and i had to take care of him so my parents could work, i moved down and i dont hear from my husband for two weeks (a sign i should have picked up on) then he calls and says he wants to move down here with me, so my parents fly him down here and things are good for a while, then we were going back to alabama for a visit and to take my friends home , the morning we were leaving he went psycho, he tried to choke me , i got away by sliding down the car, he was nuts, on the way to alabama he laid in my lap the whole time cause god forbid i move him , he had green stuff coming out of his mouth, was hard to wake up, we went into a store and he would be screaming and yelling (another one of those signs i missed) i told my friends he acted like he was on drugs, but i didnt have a clue where he could have gottent them, we found out when we got to alabama and my dad called that he had stolen my dads xanax and something else, we realized that he was over dosing in the car and could have died but none of us had a clue , he leaves for a week or two, then comes crawling back , so we head back to florida

well i missed all the signs i should i seen, but i was young and didnt realize that love doesnt change people, in '02 we got married , things were good for a while, we fought alot cause were both stubborn people and getting married young is not something i recommend , i expected him to be a certain way and he never was , i had yet to realize he was an alcoholic cause i didnt think he was drinking , find out later he sneaks and drinks at work or on the way home, we had been married about a year and a couple months, he comes to me and says he has to drink that he cant live without it, then goes out to call his "dad" but a friend he had met at work came and picked him up and he left for 3 1/2 months, i can honestly say i have never been as devastated, i didnt eat or sleep , i lost weight rapidly , i simply could not function, i wasnt working at that time so i laid around the house all the time waiting for his calls, he would call every so often, and say things like we're meant to be together but it just wont work, or i want a divorce and just alot of really cruel things, i finally was starting to function again and get out of bed and go places and he calls me and i go get him , he comes back with all kinds of promises, and admits he was also on cocaine when he left

so things are good for a while, hes usually good for at least a year or so, but this time he develops back problems so hes constantly at the doctor getting pain killers, yet the doctors can never find anything wrong, he eventually loses his job because of all of it, so i send him to get his cna lisences, which he doesnt like but it doesnt hurt his "back" , then one night we get into a big fight and he leaves AGAIN, i find out later that he had been talking to a girl on the computer while at work and also drinking at work, cause he stayed with a guy doing home health and when the guy was asleep he would steal liquor out of his cabinets, well he was talkign to her 3 months , basically telling her how mean i was and how bad i was, so he leaves me and is living with this girl within a week, i send his mama a letter asking him to pay for half the divorce, he gets his girlfriend to write me a letter and he signs it, so stupid, saying he will but it will take time , then i get text messages from either him or her, but pretending to be him , saying how hes finally happy, and is talking to a lawyer, how this woman can satisfy him (he told me later she sent them without him knowing, but i dont believe it) well 5 1/2 months later he calls me crying and telling me this girl had cheated on him numerous times and he had been in jail for a month , and what makes me mad now is i was completely fine with him being gone that time, i was working, barely thought about him , i was dating someone, but we got to talking and i figured with the hell he had been through maybe he finally learned his lesson, how stupid i was, so he comes back again

things were good for a while, as usual , yet this time i had so much resentment againest him that we fought alot, especially since i found a receipt where he had bought this girl an engagement ring, i tried moving past it but everytime i thought about him with this girl i got pissed and we would fight and he would say its the past get over it well this time we moved out on our own into an RV (we have four dogs so its hard to get a place down here in florida) we do ok, but we have our knock down drag out fights , he has always hit me when he got mad enough but not that often like you see on tv and he always got hit right back, im not sitting back and putting up with someone hitting me, so we would slug it out sometimes, how the cops never got called is beyond me, they almost did once when a neighbor saw me hit him, cause i wasnt about to let him back in the door, believe me i know how bad all that is, but we had alot of good times also , and i finally relaxed enough and thought we could make it this time

so we started trying for a baby, it took me a while to get pregnant , i have a double uterus which causes infertility and miscarriages, then if you carry you can have preterm labour or a breech birth, but anyways i finally got pregnant, i was about 8 weeks along, we got into a big fight, he hit me in the face but denies it, he was drunk, the next morning i miscarried, now considering the condtiion i have it could have been that, but it could also have been the stress of him, he finally talks me into trying again i think almost two months later

well i got pregnant this time on the first try, i think it surprised him that i got pregnant so quick because i have a feeling around this time he met someone at work and was "friends" with her, cause with him he starts out friends, and tells them how bad i am, im bi-polar and crazy and poor little him has to deal with me, i wonder why he would consider me crazy , could it be putting up with his alcoholism hmmm , but anyways around this time i had been limiting his alcohol and he had been hiding it around the house like i was dumb, i jsut didnt have the energy to keep an eye on him 24-7, he would wait til i went to work alot to go buy more alcohol , well everything was going good about the baby its all he talked about, he went with me for my first ultrasound, then comes april of this year

i was mad at him for not goign to work (he had two jobs at this time to save money for the baby) he wouldnt get up , so i went to work and told him to take the bus to his second job , well he did so i didnt see him again, well i was pissed cause he didnt do nothing in the house but lay around, so when he calls me to pick him up (did i mention he doesnt have any drivers lisences, and no way of getting them back, but its too long to explain) i tell him no to walk or find a ride i wasnt gonna be his cab driver and him take me for granted, well he never came home, i called him at work the next day and he was cruel as hell, i went and seen him at work the next day

he tells me he aint putting up with my sh*t anymore, i tell him theres no way i can afford the bills myself and i could be put on bed rest as early as 20
weeks to prevent premature labour, i asked what about the baby, he said i dont care, you have insurance, which was crap because our insurance at the time was 75/25, no way could i come up with 25 % to pay for everything, it would have been impossible , especially with trying to pay the bills, so i wait a day and go to his second job, he doesnt have his wedding ring on anymore and says he needs time, he cant live me with me, so i leave and finally realize this is another one of his running off deals , i am completely floored, this guy has wanted a baby since i met him, i was the one who put it off, until i was ready and we had our own place, and now he just walks off like nothing, because i left him at work, i even asked him, is that what you'll tell a judge because your gonna look like a idiot for that, he didnt care

well i knew i couldnt have this baby and keep working and keep our RV , i almost decided to have an abortion but i just couldnt and i decided to keep the baby no matter what my struggles were, so i have a friend offer to let me live with her in alabama, so i maxed out my credit cards for a few things i needed , packed what i could, got my dogs and left, i changed my number, then started my hell in alabama, i wasnt happy at my friends house, they coudlnt put up with my dogs (they are bad lol) and i coudlnt put up with her kids, im not comfortable around kids alot except my neices who i love to death, but in my stressed out state i couldnt deal with her kids, so i moved in with my sister

well that was even more hell , i found out my sister was on drugs, she would buy weed before buying food for her kids, what little money i had , i had to buy food for everyone, pay their power bill one time, these were people who had said they would support me until i have the baby and go back to work, yet they were sucking me dry , then they move in a cousin of my sisters boyfriend and his girlfriend, so i had to deal with them, they were into meth, my sister also, around this time i had met a guy , we started dating, i think more to get my mind off everything, didnt realize he was really a jacka** (he was a friend of my sisters, should have seen that for what it was) well we talked about moving in, i think i was so hurt and heres this guy saying he'll be there for me and the baby, well my sister eventually kicks me out and her boyfriend is up in my face screaming at me, i couldnt even get all of my things because of it, so i leave, i stay with a cousin for a few weeks, then me and this guy come back to florida and move in with my parents, in their RV (way too small of a place, but no choice) well this nice sweet guy turns out to be a major a** , he has a god complex and now that hes working down here he doesnt want to help out with groceries or me, and starts putting me down, bitching about my dogs, saying he didnt want anything to do with the baby, he kicked my dads dog, so i kicked him out, i seen the signs with him, he was sneaking around here buying weed and pills

i swear every guy , and i do mean every guy ive dated has been either a drug addict and or an alcoholic, i have major problems with that

my husband gets my number from his mom cause i was gonna go after child support, at first he was like your so beautiful and i love you but i cant live with you, then when i tell him he cant see the baby, he turns cruel and then his phone calls are i hate you, i worked two jobs so i wouldnt have to see your ugly face, putting me down so i changed my number again, then i had to go see him about insurance, since im on medicaid now and didnt know he still had the insurance on me, so he got my number again, and i went and talked to him and was dumb enough to take the blame for everything and try to get back together, but hes with this other girl that supposedly doesnt live with him, yet shes there 24-7, supposedly their friends with benifits, and he says we can work things out but it will take time and being friends and communication, but he aint just giving up this girl or his friends or his apartment, i agreed at first but said the girl would have to go, it lasted three days with him calling me, saying i couldnt come over cause she was there, and i wrote him a letter and said forget it, im not playing second fiddle to a another girl, i told him i was changing my number again, i havent but he dont know that

i am now 8 months pregnant, he hasnt given me one dime, i asked him to mail me the money but none has shown up in the mailbox, there was a couple times he offered but i said forget it cause he was so cruel on the phone and i wasnt putting up with that, i feel stupid for even thinking about taking him back, i just so badly wanted my family, yet when i was there talking to him he didnt ask nothing about the baby, just said what he wanted the name to be and asked how a c-section is cut , and that he would be in the delivery room, but he didnt ask nothing about the baby, i told him i was going back to alabama after the baby and hes like well we'll work something out, im like surely you want to see your kid more than that, all he wanted to talk about was his apartment and if i liked it, he showed absolutely no remorse, he says i left him, he doesnt care that my credit is shot, i lost everything, im having to live with my parents in a small RV, thats where his son will have to live, it didnt bother him seeing me , and i refuse to belive its all because of his alcoholism, there is no person who is drunk 24-7, he has to be sober at some point in the day, he has to know he has a wife and a son on the way and he dont care, i understand about alcoholics now, but i refuse to belive you can blame cheating and abandoning your child on alcohol

im not putting him on the birth certificate, im giving the baby my madien name, getting a divorce next year and going back to my madien name, i simply dont understand how he can walk away, he says he wants to see the baby but he dont really , a baby interupts his drinking, i refuse to allow him to be a sometimes father, i told him to get a lawyer cause im not willingly ggoing to let him see the baby, if i have to move off and not let him ever know where im at, i have to protect my child, my grandfather was just like him , he would stay for a while then run off, my dad and my aunt has so many problems from being left and struggling so much while my grandfather was gone, i cant let my child be hurt in the same way, i have to be the one to break the cycle

i can sit here and know in my heart hes not good for me, and no matter how good things were at times, it doesnt outweigh all the bad, and he will do it again, and fall apart again and want me to pick him back up, and now i have a son to think about i cant keep going through this, thats why ive cut contact but im scared hes gonna come back around and i wont be strong enough and ill get sucked back into the cycle, my mom has already threatened me if i go back with him she wont help me anymore, me and the baby can come over but she will never let him back around her, and i cant blame her, i so badly want the strentgh to tell him no, i want to go back to school for nursing, get to where i can support myself with no ones help and make a life for my son and i cant do that with him in my life, but the odds are hes gonna come crying one day , and most days i could tell him to kiss my a** but then i have those off days where i miss him more than anything in the world, he has so much potential and he just lets it go to waste for his alcohol and his "fun" , i dont look at my son as a burden, i cant wait until my son is born, i just dont understand what changed with my husband that he suddenly doesnt want to be a familiy and chooses this life over what he could have had with me and the baby, and i know thats an alcoholic, but how much can you really blame on the disease , not all alcoholics run off and leave their families so its not all about the alcohol

i just dont know what to do or think anymore, i hate living with my parents in this small space but i have no choice i have to have help with the baby and i cant work until after the baby, i just feel so restless, depressed, lonely, mad at the world, etc etc etc...


sorry its so long, forgive me, i just dont have anyone to really talk about any of this with, everybody i know is just like get over it and forget him, i wouldnt put up with it, they just dont get what im going through, its not that easy to walk away and stay away for me