I keep trying to rationalize it in my mind:
...it's only for one night...I can do it and it won't be a big deal...come on, Bam...lots of people have many starts and stops...what's one more to you?...you care but you don't...maybe this will stop the loop of obsessive thoughts going on right now...you can stop the skipping for one night and escape...you probably won't do much more damage to your organs (*wince*)...hey, maybe it will make recovery easier next time...escapism is bliss...and you need to escape...but I don't want to fail...and I'm tired of the pressure of staying sober...why is this such a tall order?...I'm torn...I just want my brain to stop being stupid...