Dear IPT, I believe she cares for you alot & would really like to be clean all of the time but she is just not ready to do that. When you expect her to enjoy being together all the time & never smoking pot again, she rebels cuz she is just not ready to give it up.
If you allowed her to smoke pot when she felt like she wanted to & be with you also I doubt whether she'd ever pull back.
But that is not the case, you want a woman who doesn't use & unfortunately it is not this woman.
Love MUST be unconditional if it is to go the distance. You cannot fall in love with somene, then try & change them.
IMHO you are holding on because you have a few yrs invested in this relationship, you are comfortable with her, and to break up & find someone else is not something you look forward to doing.
IPT you cannot have your cake & eat it too. Either you love & accept her just the way she is or end it & find someone who doesn't use drugs.
I don't mean to sound harsh but I am now 61 yrs old & for me this is so easy to see.
Wishing you the very best,
Love,
Diane