I too always knew the outcome of my drinking...kinda deep down hoping everytime I would be pleasantly suprised, hoping to wake up and feel okay-not anxious,depressed,guilty,shamefull,embarassed,weak ,dirty,and trying to remember the puzzle pieces of the evening that gave a face to those monsterous emotions...I finally had enough and after several attempts of "quitting".... but deep down fully knowing I would again drink,I really did have that burning desire to stop for good..I couldnt take the anxity and depression anymore and how many times does that red flag have to wave in my face before I realized that I wouldnt ever get a different outcome after drinking....Now on my fourth and hopefully god willing last attempt of quitting
I am only seven weeks sober, but God it feels good waking up every morning with clarity of the night before, and knowing that the mistakes of my drunken past are just that- past mistakes- everyone has made mistakes and the past is in the past...all I can do is change, and make damn well sure that I dont drink ever again because then I am gaurenteed those mistakes stay in the past..sure I will make more mistakes in my life, but not because I was drunk.....I am so blessed to have found AA because as hard as it is to stay sober its worth the sanity and without my weekly womens AA meeting..I would be lost...Good Luck getting sober and keep posting here it has also helped me immensely