Vent re: anger and disgust toward my A
My AH is out of the house for a week now. I set the boundaries, he busted them by drinking and becoming violent, I enforced the boundaries, and he is out of the house. He has made a few attempts in the past week to manipulate me, but I have been unwavering in my demands that he go to AA, get a sponsor and work a program before I will even consider anything. I have been completely unsympathetic to his plight (he has been living at the homeless shelter due to no friends - only drug contacts). His mother, on the other hand, is the consummate enabler. He has been lying to her, manipulating her, and using her all his life. I firmly believe her enabling was a significant contributing factor leading to his multiple incarcerations. And now she is doing it again! He is a grown man, for crying out loud! Let him live with his own messes. She has been bringing him to her house in the afternoons because, poor him, he has no place to go during the day, he has to walk around all day. SO THE HECK WHAT!!! HE CHOSE THIS. LET HIM WALK HIS BUTT DOWN TO THE AA MEETING!!!! She is letting him stay at her house tonight, and is probably going to ultimately let him move into her house. I am so mad and so disgusted!!!! At her....at him. How shameless and selfish can you be to use and manipulate your own mother for your own selfish comfort!!! You made the choices that put you in a homeless shelter, LIVE WITH IT!!!! DO SOMETHING TO MAKE YOUR OWN LIFE BETTER!!!! DON'T USE SOMEBODY, MUCH LESS YOUR OWN MOTHER!!!! I know she is "letting" him use her, but for love of freaking God, HAVE YOU NO SHAME???? Just who is this man I married?? I am angry. I am completely disgusted. If I could, I would rip his throat out with my bare hands, that is how angry I am!!! (This is an example of my inability to deal with these feelings)(take heart, I have as of yet taken no actions and spoken no words) He has completely destroyed whatever respect I ever had for him. How does a person deal with having these feelings toward another person? Toward my own spouse, who I knew to the depths of my soul that I loved with all my heart???? At this point, he repulses me!! I am completely and utterly disgusted, and I just don't know how to process/work through these feelings. I cannot get stuck here!
I know that all of you have been through so much, no doubt this included. Please lend me your wisdom, experience, and advice. I could use more to mentally chew on right now than these despicable emotions and rage that are dominating my thoughts at this time.
Much thanks!