Sylvan,
Yours is a very tough story. And you are doing the best thing by talking/writing about it. There are two aspects to your Mom's death that make talking, to supportive people who will just listen, very important. First, grief for a dead parent takes time. I have lost both (over 2 decades ago, but it still stings now and then) and a brother to cancer last year. Second, with a sudden death there are many loose ends of a relationship that are left unresolved - and this is particularly true with alcoholic parents and their adult children (we, us, I, You). Both of my parents were alcoholics and both died suddenly.
My mother died in a car accident, in her late 50's, that was probably caused by a blackout brought on by poor health from years of drinking. Several years later, my father died of heart failure and was a highly functional alcoholic, 100% in denial of any drinking-related problems, to the end. In both cases there were loads of loose ends, many unheard and unspoken things that will never be said. My mother's death happened in my first year of university, and I went back and did not tell anyone what had happened. No counseling, nothing. I almost flunked out in my second year - I just lost interest in everything. As the commercial says - Don't try this at home. With my father's death I sought out a few close relatives who listened patiently when I rambled on about my father, and mother, and many other topics that wove in and out of the conversation. I was grieving and they let it happen.
Sylvan, grieving takes time. It also takes time to accept that one's deceased parents chose their own lives and that their children (you and me) were powerless over their addictions. One at a time, a step here and a step there.
To this day I can remember my father and be bitterly angry and miss him in nearly the same thought. He was a giant in his profession in spite of the incredibly angry liquor-induced rages and abuse his family endured. Memories of my mother bring guilt and sadness followed by firm knowledge that she chose her path. She was an exceedingly intelligent woman who somehow did not see - and this shows how addiction warps the best minds - that her drinking was as bad for the family as for herself. But I no longer grieve for them - I try to remember the good stuff and use that in my life.
I am still struggling with that childhood stuff. It doesn't heal with time and talk like grief does. We all are struggling, and that is why we are here at this forum. It takes time, talk, AND work, Sylvan. We work on ourselves, going through 12-steps and/or professional treatment. And we talk with others who will listen, inside this forum and outside.
[[[Insert huggy emoticon for Sylvan here]]]