New to acoa forum, old problems
Hail and hello,
I just joined tonight. The circumstances that lead me to this forum should paint an adequate picture of this 'seeker', this me.
A search in google for 'paranoid' and 'alcoholic' brought soberrecovery.com up on the first page. I am not alcoholic, but both my parents were (both are now gone and hopefully at peace). I have been trying for years to get over the guilt and distrust, sometime it feels like paranoia, that keeps me from enjoying my life and makes me function like a constantly stalling car. Always and every day I have this instinctive need to question every move, to think constantly what bad things others are thinking about me, to be wary of every step. And the worst part is that it really makes me self-centered. Is there a navel-gazing emoticon-smiley out there?
Years of therapy and meds (anxiety, depression, add) have not done much. No, my current therapist and add meds may have lead me to see how much I am focusing on paranoid thoughts and wasting the chance to enjoy others and to CARE for others, and thus I am posting here and now. Going on 46 years with this (b-day next week).
I really like teaching and have been teaching for several years. The paranoia, the distrust is getting between me and students, and everyone else. Yes, single too - longest relationship = 1 year.
Wow, that was quite the ranting whine. I am really looking forward to the fall and winter, and snowshoeing! And all these posts are great (been lurking for a week).
Thank you!