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I didn't think that I was depressed when I was drinking but I probably was to some degree. For 15 years I lived my life in one of two states of mind: drunk or hungover. I drank every single day during those last 15 years (OK, I might have taken a day off here & there so maybe there was a total of 10 days out of the 15 years that I didn't drink). I probably didn't recognize my depression for what it was. I just figured I was hungover.
For the first year I was off alcohol, I was really on a pink cloud. I wasn't drinking, I had meetings and did some service work to take up my time, I made a couple of good friends (I had not a one when I arrived in AA), I found a sponsor and started working the steps. What wasn't to be happy about?
The next 14 months were he!!! It was like someone pulled the rug out from under me and I was severely depressed. I still had a few friends, a sponsor, went to meetings, used the steps . . . but I was very unhappy. I started to consider seeing a therapist but my sponsor was from the "old school" and she didn't believe in medication or therapists. I was so new and raw in my sobriety,that I took what she said as gospel.
Well after 14 miserable months (which is much too long to fight depression!), I finally sought the help of a therapist. After working with her for a couple of months, I came to understand that depression runs in my family. Amazing that I'd never realized it before.
Without medication, I am unable to concentrate or focus on anything. I love to read . . . I was unable to read a book for two whole years because of being so depressed. That was nearly unbearable.
Once I had a clear mind that was uncluttered by sad, dark thoughts, the steps became so much more meaningful and my life did too.
I've been been taking an antidepressant for the past 5 years; they're necessary in my case.