I can understand your reluctance to say the "A" word.. When i first started analyzing my hub's drinking problem, it took me a while to face it. After I got used to it, it was easier.
Same with codependancy. I was horrified when someone called me that.. However, again, after thinking on it and getting used to the idea, I accepted it.
It takes time to face these unpleasant concepts, but it DOES get easier.