Nunos right B - and whether you believe it right now or not - you do have great spirit and you do have something to offer.
You deserve a little happiness. We all do.
Whatever we did we did - now we have a chance to live our lives right, mebbe help some others along the way - if that's not atonement I dunno what is.
Do like Anna said - you can't go back, but you can move forward little by little.
And we're all here for ya
D