hello sunni,
i'm the mom of an alcoholic/addict and YES! our codependency can very much mirror the same patterns of the person's addiction. just like the person addicted struggles to take their selves away from the drink/drug, we have trouble taking our eyes/focus off the person and their addiction. our thoughts and behaviors can get just as irrational and chaotic as our loved one's. believe me, i have been there!
when we start taking our hands off the addict and quit trying to control the addiction, we start recovering.
if you can't get to an alanon meeting, keep reaching out here. and go to the alanon website and order some of the literature to read.
hugs, and i hope this helps. k